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Remember Me as Holy

by Lily Talmers

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Greater Alexander
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Greater Alexander Maybe it was the lyric about asking if my sister is ok that hit it for me, but even upon first listen, this whole album has been on repeat to start the autumn of 2021. Favorite track: Maybe It's Madness.
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1.
Just how deep in the skin can you get Just how close to the bone can you go Dear when I let you in I thought nothing was unsafe to show you I’ve recycled the best of myself And I find that I’m now someone different entirely Maybe to please you but maybe it’s just something else It could be fear; it could be sadness It could be peering through your eyes to taste your gladness It could be feeling through your skin; it could be wondering how you’ve been It could be all that Or it could be madness But how lovely that you have stopped by If you’ll have it please do stay for tea I’ve got nothing to do so it’s really no bother to me We can talk of your folks if you like Is your sister still doing okay? If she’s not, can I help her? Or help you? Or maybe you need something else Was it your fear? Is it your sadness? Have you been peering through my eyes to taste my gladness Have you been feeling through my skin? Have you been wondering how I’ve been? Well if you haven’t, maybe it’s madness Or it could be hope; it could be yearning It could be all the dirt within me finally turning Giving up all that half life stuff; knowing I’ve finally had enough Finding my gladness Maybe it’s madness
2.
How come after all this time you take the backroads through the gallows of my mind I dreamt a highway to escape the throes of knowing you again Sing me a love song with words as simple as a child in a backyard Her fingers deep inside the dirt For I’d like to linger for a moment on the memory of that kid Maybe I can call you once I’ve figured out how to be someone different Maybe next year is the year Life goes on quick; hear it only slows for those who can afford it And you’ll be rich before you’re 40 like your dad says But you might miss out on a few things in between We hope to die poor but spend our whole lives working hard for just to save more I’m not complaining, I’m just saying joy’s a cheap whore Don’t take much money for a little conversation So maybe I can call you once I’ve figured out how to be someone different Maybe next year is the year I’m from the inside of a country that’s been bleeding for a long time These days a bruise is just a pool in steamy July You paint a blue sky and everything is fine So maybe I can call you once I’ve gotten older I’ll be someone different Maybe next year is the year How come after all this time I fool my sweet self into thinking that you’re right I dream a highway I escape the throes of knowing you again
3.
Francis 03:44
Francis I’m having a nightmare I can’t understand it I dreamt I jumped for just to fall behind a cold and concrete wall Forsaken from the garden that could last us And Francis I’ll ask something tragic if you’ll please console me If you’re to smile without me there or catch another’s lonesome glare Would you at least remember me as holy? Moon’s out; spotlight Left bound, turned right on your street, in your drive Gal, I must say something: I warned you, darling Francis I know that I’m more of a child than a mother So I loved you til the morning ran When dawn collapsed and rules began We won the night for just to lose each other Hearts beat; hummed low Whispered through the window of that room that you know How it slips so slowly, slowly, slowly Boy, have I had it, you know that I barely can stand it That with the fuel of borrowed truth we managed to escape the youth That gave us the excuse to run the gamut See you sometime Bright eyes; dark minds Eyes ahead; I must drive
4.
You can catch me gliding down the highways of my youth There goes the hospital they tell me I was born in There goes the grocery, the pharmacy, the high school parking lot Behind the wheel you’d sigh and say “this town ain’t nothing” By the fourth day of July the weather’s always far too warm But still the only day that I could play with fire And I often got my sister burned, said it was by mistake I knew that mama wouldn’t take me for a liar Is there anybody listening to me? From the middle of America you scream out to the ocean it gets lost Lost like those new shoes left, my dear you know how much those damn things cost us? There is always that one girl who says that she’s too sad to sleep And she reminds me of what daddy would’ve told her That nothing is as good or bad as they will make it seem I hear they feed that line to people at the border Is there anybody listening to me? From the middle of America you scream out to the ocean it gets lost Lost like daddy’s pension fund, my God you know how much that’s gonna cost us It rained so much last lonely spring it nearly drowned the earth And if it had I would’ve built an ark of maple I would’ve proudly let the skyway guide the highways of my youth I would’ve welcomed all the world if I were able Is there anybody listening to me? From the middle of America you scream out to the ocean it gets lost Lost like Lady Liberty who wouldn’t care how much it all would cost us I hear someone knocking It was just the mailman
5.
Into the Air 03:53
John broke the news like a prized vase, he said that things like these just happen And you best quantify what you’re saving because most things are designed for wasting You see, I thought that he was the real thing, but I’d traded my eyes for a fantasy And I’d traded my hands for a nail gun; locked myself up in a big box It falls like water; tumbles and lands harder You pick yourself up off the pavement Evaporate into the air You say you’re committed to changing, well then how come your laugh does the same thing That it’s done twenty years in the making Lifts and it twirls and it stands, before It falls like water; tumbles and lands harder You pick yourself up off the pavement Evaporate into the air Do we give it up once we’ve grasped it? Bodies all covered in sweat Feeling for symptoms of grand revelation, finding that time just escapes us As we fall like water; tumble and land harder You pick yourself up off the pavement, evaporate into the air
6.
No Woman 04:34
Everything’s so fragile; curse my careless grip All that I could hold would only slip And everything seems broken; blame my shaky hands Life just makes me nervous; searching for the good things Things that won’t just crumble into sand I guess I’ll slip away til I’m gone For no woman is free unless she moves along Yesterday you folded; up and quit your job Threatened that you’d kill your boss’s momma But I bet his momma loves him, that she wouldn’t mind Taking all your bullets; anything to save him She would gladly give you all her life So she’ll just slip away til she’s gone For no woman is free; she’s imprisoned by love Sister’s in the doorway; brother broke her heart Wishes she had known it from the start Wishes she could go back; back to Galilee For there she’d learn the promise; that no one comes home spotless And we must wager on that guarantee So she’ll just slip away til she’s gone For no woman is free unless she moves along I met with the Big Man under last night’s moon I told him that I’d like to come home sooner He took me by still waters; kissed my shaky hands Told me that he’d lead me; that I should rest easy For everything is broken as it stands So I’ll just stick around til I’m gone For no woman is free unless she carries on
7.
Mortal Pin 02:48
She’s a reckoning sweeping softly in With her hair held up by a mortal pin She’s a tidal wave, then a little lamb Then a tree swept sideways, barely standing up Barely holding up, but hardly looking down on someone else’s luck Flying always seemed so lonesome anyway So she’ll come back to earth with words she heard you say As the day begins with the deepest cut All the dreams you dreamed, all their setting suns All the lower backs with their curvature All the tightly bounded, being sure of nothing Holding onto something; looking down on someone ‘Cause you had the gumption Flying always seemed so lonesome anyway So she’ll come back to earth with words she heard you say She’s a reckoning with her hands tied up But she’ll kneel right down and she’ll fill your cup When it overflows, take that mortal pin She can mop it up as the day begins
8.
Miss America 05:01
Miss America, on that silver screen; shines like some old dream So far life’s been in kind, but you’ve been wasting time-- has that flown through your mind? And I’ve been staring at you darling, sitting back and wondering what the hell you’re gonna do When all the force has run the gamut, and you sit back and dammit Now it’s up to you!! Yes you who eat your dinner with the TV on, and who smile thinking everybody else is wrong Yes you who drink your coffee with the curtains drawn Yet still it’s you that we’re all counting on Miss America, gal you know the drill; could you just stand still? Doc says this won’t hurt, so close your eyes and learn about how all this works For I’ve been staring at you darling, sitting back and wondering how the hell you got this far On loans as tall as New York City; skyscrapers look so pretty til you’re jumping off As one who don’t read nothing but the bold faced lines And whose prophets may as well be reading coffee grinds Got all that ammunition just to blow your mind Oh Miss America they’ve fed you lies Darling don’t be shy, it’s alright to cry, you gon’ be just fine Papers they don’t burn, and your voice will be heard no matter how it’s earned And I’ve been staring at you darling, sitting back and wondering what the hell you’re gonna do When all that force has fun the gamut and you sit back and dammit now it’s up to you Yes you with all your jewelry and your high heels on Think your looks are gonna last until the kingdom come And who won’t apologize because she’s too far gone Dear still it’s you that we’re all counting on Yes you who’s always dressing up in preachers clothes With your index finger wagging with the wind that blows How could your heart be open if the door is closed? And still it’s you that we’re all counting on.
9.
It did glide in like a sunbeam on a Thursday afternoon So I nursed it like a sick kid; it just looked so much like you Feel the stiff light; wish it goodbye, like a passing tractor beam Deep October, she’s a dear old friend and a tightly woven seam Between the daylight and the sharp night of the heavy hearkening It’s there I greet you as a lonely child Whispering “this one’s on me” We grew up there in the thin air of the heavy slated sky Endless winter, we could nurse her; we could cure her if we tried Are you listening? Have you fooled me? Memories like an elegy Why is something trying to push me to admit this one’s on me? Is my silence just a violent thing? Do I house a crooked mind? Happy people; try to be like them, robed in mystery and kindness Skim the surface, let yourself sink back to innocent belief It’s there you’ll find me, I’ll be smiling My old friend, this one’s on me
10.
I keep staring at this photograph Its jagged tips that leave me here to think of how you’re gone They always bring me back again to lie within myself, mm And ain’t it true we play pretend? Aint it true we let them sell us groceries and fineries and shining bright philosophies of life Remember when your sister said you’d tried to kill yourself And when I heard I nearly flew to Michigan right then But it was just a false alarm, the new year rolled in heavy hearted Remember how you cried inside the car parked in your driveway Remember how you told me that I hadn’t even tried to save the last of it? You raised your fist; I wish you would’ve held it in that time Cuz I don’t mind the push and pull of it; I’m just fine to play pretend I just kindly ask we never speak again, mm And so it was that night set in at different times that fall At some sweet hour everything would turn to black And I’d ask myself if this whole mess was even worth my time, mm Remember how we’d argue over Jesus Christ? We probably should’ve opted for some other thing instead Cuz I never quite forgave you for the awful things you said, mm I never minded the letting go of it; I was fine to play pretend Thinking we could manage not to speak again, mm Now you say I have a careless heart and that I didn’t understand a single thing I did I used to think that second part was truer than it is Remember how much time we wasted hating things that moved us Remember how I photographed you hanging by a thread, then up the phone You know I loved you, though I never sought to mean that as I did But still I do
11.
None of This 03:29
None of this sneaking up on me, pressing your lips tight looming there softly None of that old spin cycle, laundry’s been clean a long while None of this playing the martyr, helping you get off harder None of that car door slamming, none of those mean eyes grabbing at me None of this claiming you loved me; none of this asking me how I’m doing I’m doing just fine yes please, thanks I’m doing I’m doing just great None of this remorse rising; setting real low as you compromise your worth No one’s quite pinned you down have they darling? And none of that bitter thing where you feign indifference claiming that I was admired I wasn’t admired I was stuck on the tightrope of your microscope eyes And none of this was every warranted by something I did or said None of this, none of this, none of this, none of this, none of this None of your revelations, none of your trying to pin down my savior None of your rich kid guilt trip, none of this life’s doing with us anyway None of this claiming you loved me; none of this asking me how I’m doing I’m doing just fine yes please, thanks, I’m doing I’m doing just great None of this was ever warranted by something I did or said None of this none of this none of this none of this none of this None of that bitter thing where you feign indifference claiming that I was a liar I wasn’t a liar I was stuck on the tightrope of your microscope eyes
12.
I Mean It 02:13
Someday when it’s all over, I’ll stretch my shoulders Warm myself on photographs and epitaphs of your life Which threatened to change mine So I drew a thick line; stopped the time and fled the scene, I mean to say I love you, no I mean it I love you Even when I don’t want to still I do; still I do Someday I’ll climb up the mountain; feel good about something Be somebody to myself, no one can tell But I’ve been stuck wading through quicksand It’s all complication, you said, when all you mean to say was just I love you, no I mean it I love you Even when I don’t want to still I do; still I do

credits

released February 11, 2021

Lily Talmers- music and lyrics, production, vocals, guitar, banjo, cello
Ian Eylanbekov- production, guitar synthesizer, organ, tuba, drums, bass
Geoff Brown- production, engineering, mixing, bass
David Ward- drums
Ben Green- trumpet
Ben Wood- bass
Tyler Chester- piano and organ
Elie Curtis- Mastering
Kelly Talmers- Cover photo

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Lily Talmers Ann Arbor, Michigan

sweet truthful nothings

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